Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
