I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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