I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
