So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
