"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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