Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
