I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
