U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
