the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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