I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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