I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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