I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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