two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize