just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm too high and old for this...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
