Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
