well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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