she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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