There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
