Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
