"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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