I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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