That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
