Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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