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As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We smell like vodka and hangover
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