I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
