Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
