It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
