Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
