I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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