i love accidental penises.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
