what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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