I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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