We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
