so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
