It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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