no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
