I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
