You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
