Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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