I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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