I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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