she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
