Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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