Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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