I'm really into asian looking animals
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize