I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize