I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
