He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
