dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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