We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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