I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
