Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
