the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
