last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
