Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
