I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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