I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
