She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
