Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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