please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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