How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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