A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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