i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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