my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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