I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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