why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
