Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
