hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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