So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
